SATIRE: HOA Gone Historical? This Southern Neighborhood is Run by Confederate Cosplayers

Discover the wild true-ish story of Magnolia Trace, where Civil War reenactors turned HOA tyrants patrol lawns and punish modernity

HOA in Magnolia Trace Estates “:P” Ron Cogswell/flickr [CC BY 2.0]

Welcome to Magnolia Trace Estates, a sleepy Southern suburb where the hydrangeas are always blooming, the sweet tea flows like holy water, and the homeowners’ association will literally tar and feather you for painting your shutters the wrong shade of “Sherman Blue.”

Y’all think I’m exaggerating. I wish I were.

When my family moved here from a perfectly boring Midwestern suburb, we expected the usual HOA nonsense: power-walking Karens measuring your grass with a ruler, letters about your trash bins not being emotionally centered on your driveway, maybe a fine or two for flying a flag that wasn’t seasonal. We were prepared for suburban bureaucracy. What we weren’t prepared for was General Braxton Beauregard Lee IV, President-for-Life of the HOA, who once challenged my husband to a duel because our mailbox was two inches taller than regulation height.

Turns out, Magnolia Trace’s HOA isn’t just strict. It’s run by hardcore Civil War reenactors who, somewhere between collecting antique muskets and perfecting their muttonchop game, decided to run the neighborhood like it’s 1862.

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