Gaslighted by the Group: How Families Collude in Shared Delusions

When the whole family rewrites reality — discover how collective denial and triangulation silence one member, perpetuate toxic dynamics, and survive even after the instigator has passed away

Natalie C. Frank, Ph.D. June 12,2025

Michael Elleray/flickr [CC BY 2.0]

It begins unremarkably — harmless jokes, half-truths. A family gathering, laughter, inside references. But for one member, the laughter omits something vital. A detail erased, a moment denied. Over time, this subtly different treatment becomes undeniable. Yet when they ask, everyone looks blank, insists it never happened. It’s not paranoia — it’s an emotional minefield planted long ago.

This phenomenon where entire family units, often unknowingly, collude to rewrite reality is called group gaslighting and it has become more recognized in therapy circles. What begins as casual denial or protective storytelling morphs into a synchronized refusal to validate one person’s perception.

Since families tend to share stories, especially in crisis or during emotional episodes, gaslighting can operate without clear intent. At first, no one sets out to pour psychological cement over personal truths. Yet over time, the victim’s world becomes fractured, and the attackers may never realize the damage they’ve done. This phenomenon can infect more than a single generation and survive even beyond the grave.

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