I Can’t Read One More Self-Help Book Without Screaming — No One Needs to be Perfect
- Natalie Frank
- Oct 2
- 2 min read
Why the endless chase for “better” is making us worse
Natalie C. Frank, Ph.D October 4, 2025
I can’t remember the last time I picked up a self-help book without a twinge of dread. The covers, the big promises, the lists of habits you “must” adopt — after a while it all feels like a pressure cooker in my head. Somewhere between “you should change” and “you’re not enough yet” lives a version of me that’s deeply skeptical of the self-help treadmill.
Let me be clear: I believe in growth. I believe in humility, reflection and small shifts. But I also believe we shouldn’t treat every flaw as a failing, every quiet moment as wasted time, or every imperfect morning as proof we’re incompetent.
I noticed the toxicity when a friend asked, “What self-help book would you recommend if I read exactly one this year?” The question hit me like a small shock. Reading one book shouldn’t feel like an obligation or a quick fix for a messy life. It should be a door, not a duty.
Why the Self-Help Push Feels Urgent and Oppressive
There are reasons this culture feels suffocating. First, self-help often poses as productivity branding — “Habits,” “Rituals,” “Peak Performance.” Titles like Atomic Habits by James Clear dominate bestseller lists because they promise that tweaking one behavior will unlock some magical version of you. That book, and others like it, are treated as near-canon in modern self-improvement.
Second, algorithms favor certainty and prescriptions. Platforms often boost pieces that offer a clear promise (“how to fix X in 5 steps”) paired with personal stories. That pushes narrow formulas over messy, complicated reality.
Third, perfectionism is baked into the genre. Consume, fix, level up, repeat. If you don’t, you must be broken. The cycle polices itself — you end up chasing standards you never agreed to.
