Can You Be Addicted to Love? Attachment Dysregulation in the Digital Age of Ghosting

Why some love turns compulsive — and how unresolved trauma underlies obsessive relationship patterns

Natalie C. Frank, Ph.D June 29 2025

LawyersandSettlements.com [CC BY-ND 2.0]

Love addiction isn’t just romantic hyperbole; it’s a powerful neurological response. When someone disappears, your brain doesn’t just sigh in relief — it goes into withdrawal. The sudden craving for dopamine can cause your heart to race and your mind to fixate, especially in the quiet hours of the night. For individuals with insecure attachment styles rooted in past trauma, this biological urge becomes intertwined with old emotional wounds. When a loved one fades away, your survival instincts perceive this as a threat to your existence. The obsession, inability to let go, and desperate hope aren’t signs of weakness — they’re signals from your brain saying, “You need this to survive.” Today’s digital online dating and frequent ghosting, these attachment wounds can trigger addictive patterns disguised as hopeless romantic fantasies.

Research Insights: What We Know — and What Still Feels Like a Secret

The brain imaging studies are startling: romantic obsession lights up the ventral tegmental area and nucleus accumbens — the same neural circuits activated when people take cocaine or gamble. That’s why early love feels euphoric — but when the connection fractures, the crash can feel catastrophic.

Psychological research confirms that anxious attachment positively correlates with love addiction (r ≈ 0.39) and inversely with avoidant styles. Painful digital dynamics amplify this: modern tech platforms, filled with ghosting and being led on (breadcrumbing), increase emotional dysregulation.

Recent studies show online ghosting is a symptom of attachment insecurity. Insecurely attached individuals — especially those with anxious or ambivalent patterns — experience deeper hurt and lower self-esteem post-ghosting. One 2024 study published in the International Journal of Indian Psychology demonstrated that those who had been ghosted reported significantly lower self-worth and higher social anxiety. When your early world didn’t deliver reliability, each digital cutoff feels like a primal existential threat.

But here’s something often missed: longitudinal research suggests ghosting not only reactivates attachment wounds — it can reshape attachment style over time . Getting ghosted doesn’t just hurt — it trains your nervous system to expect abandonment again and again. That’s why people spiral farther into obsession — not just from heartbreak, but from compounding trauma.

Attachment dysregulation doesn’t just mean being clingy or insecure — it can prime a person to respond obsessively to love, because the brain is wired to seek what feels emotionally stabilizing, even if the relationship is unhealthy. And the rise of ghosting culture — where you’re suddenly cut off without explanation — feeds the fire by reactivating abandonment fears.

The Inner Workings of Attachment-Based Love Addiction

Emotional Rollercoaster: Craving, Panic, and Withdrawal

Imagine your phone vibrating letting you know you’ve received a text — not with a message from a friend, but with the name of someone who has ghosted you. Your heartbeat quickens. That’s not just nerves; it’s your trauma-etched survival instincts kicking in. Insecure attachment styles — developed from inconsistent or absent caregiving — cause your brain to link emotional disconnection with danger. So, when a romantic partner pulls away, your system instinctively yells, “You’re in danger!” That rush of panic isn’t irrational; it’s your protective mechanism, just out of whack.

Navigating the Limerence Range: From Love to Obsession

Click here to read more