SATIRE: Chicago Transit Authority Redefines Delays as ‘Extended Meditation Experiences’ in Bold Push Toward Spiritual Transit

As trains stall and buses ghost commuters across Chicago, the CTA encourages riders to reframe the experience and use delays to embrace inner peace

Natalie C. Frank, Ph.D July 31, 2025

Erin Nekervis/flickr [CC BY-ND 2.0]

CHICAGO - In an attempt to address complaints about chronic delays, aging infrastructure, and ghost buses, the Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) has launched its boldest rebrand yet. They're calling it, “Extended Meditation Experiences™.

The campaign, which quietly debuted Thursday morning during a 2 hour wait while no trains arrived, reframes commuting catastrophes as opportunities for “personal growth, emotional clarity, and spiritual enlightenment.” Or at least, an excuse to stare blankly into the distance for forty minutes while reevaluating your life choices.

A sleek new poster campaign unveiled across Red Line stations depicts a serene rider in lotus position, eyes closed, hovering slightly above the sticky train platform. The tagline reads: “Enlightenment arrives at 8:47… anything is possible.” Below that, in fine print: “Subject to signal delays, construction, unexplained stoppages, or the wrath of the transit gods.”

“Instead of focusing on timeliness, which is such a Western, linear concept,” said a CTA spokesperson, “we’re leaning into Chicago’s evolving vibe. People are tired. They’re looking for purpose. We’re offering them stillness. Reflection. Maybe even spiritual awakening. Also, if you’re late to work, that’s capitalism’s problem.” However, CTA did reveal that they are working on a similar program for employers whose workers are regularly late due to CTA delays, scheduled for release in early 2026.

In an accompanying press release, CTA described its new service model as “a mindful recalibration of expectations.” Rather than apologizing for service gaps, the agency now refers to them as “scheduled pauses for introspection.” The former app alerts that once read, “Your train is delayed,” now say: “Your soul is on time.”

Commuters, however, remain unconvinced. “I’ve been meditating at the Jackson stop for 32 minutes,” said a Loop-based paralegal. “I’ve achieved nothing except numb toes and mild frostbite. But sure, I guess I’m spiritually awake now. Mostly because this is more sleep than I've had in three days.”

Another passenger, took a more optimistic view. “The train was supposed to come at 7:14. It’s now 8:26. But I had a powerful moment of clarity while watching a rat eat a churro on the tracks. I realized I, too, have been scavenging for scraps in a system that’s broken.”

City officials are reportedly intrigued by the CTA’s metaphysical direction. “It aligns perfectly with Chicago’s urban brand,” said a mayoral aide. “We already ask residents to endure seasonal extremes, gun violence, and the threat of falling ice. It only makes sense that their daily commute becomes a test of spiritual resilience.”

This rebrand comes at a time when CTA reliability is hitting historic lows. Ghost buses, vehicles that exist in app notifications but not in reality, continue to haunt commuters across the South and West Sides. One Bronzeville resident described the experience as “transportational gaslighting,” while another noted, “Every time I see the bus approaching on the app, I feel hope. And then I remember: hope is a lie.”

In response to this, CTA announced it would soon launch a new bus-tracking feature called “Phantom Flow.” It uses quantum mechanics, or maybe vibes (unclear), to suggest where your bus might be, assuming all possible universes and alternate realities converge at that stop.

“It’s not about certainty,” said the CTA spokesperson. “It’s about possibility. And presence.”

To support the rollout of the “meditation experience,”

CTA has partnered with a startup called ZenCommute. Riders will soon be offered lavender-scented masks, mindfulness prompts over the intercom, and a playlist of soothing gongs and ambient platform screeches. The 40-minute gap between Blue Line arrivals will now include a prerecorded meditation led by a woman with an ambiguously soothing accent instructing: “Breathe in delayed expectations… breathe out toxic urgency…”

The city’s business community has voiced concern. The Chicago Chamber of Commerce issued a statement reading: “While we support personal growth, we’d also like employees to arrive at work before the market closes.”

Even so, the CTA remains committed to its new journey of spiritual transit. “If we cannot move people physically, we can still move them emotionally,” said the spokesperson, who announced the quote from a northbound train stuck between Fullerton and Belmont.

Early feedback from riders has been mixed. Some say the rebrand is a welcome distraction from the structural collapse of Chicago’s transit system. Others insist it’s gaslighting dressed in incense.

“I was late to my job interview and missed it completely,” said recent college grad Lauren Okafor. “But I did have time to process my fear of failure and release childhood trauma while stranded at the Addison stop. So, I'd say I broke even.”

Meanwhile, veteran CTA riders are leaning into the absurdity. One local artist has begun sketching a tarot card deck based entirely on CTA archetypes: The Delayed Train, The Ghost Bus, The Broken Turnstile, The Infinite Track Work. His favorite? The Wheel of Misfortune, which just shows the Red Line map in winter.

With Chicagoans already seasoned in the art of waiting, be it for warm weather, competent politicians, or the return of a Super Bowl, perhaps the CTA’s new brand isn’t a lie, but a mirror.

After all, what is a morning commute, if not a meditation on what could have been if only?

But for now, sit with your discomfort. Observe your breath. And remember: Enlightenment may arrive at 8:47… anything is possible.