HUMOR: House Accidentally Saves Earth While Ordering Lunch

An message sent to the Speaker of the House which contained the menu for him to circulate so members could order lunch was autocorrected resulting in the passage of a bill ordering comprehensive climate reform

Natalie C. Frank, Ph.D July 22, 2025

Tasnim News [CC BY 4.0]

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented blend of government dysfunction and cosmic luck, Congress accidentally passed the most aggressive climate change legislation in U.S. history Tuesday while attempting to place a group lunch order.

According to sources inside Capitol Hill, the mix-up occurred when a new congressional intern, 22-year-old Avery McNeal, attempted to email the Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, the menu for members to order lunch during a marathon budget session. The menu came from a Middle Eastern Restaurant.

Just to make sure that the Speaker understood what the menu was for, the McNeal separately sent instructions, which read, "Present/Pass the wrap order.” The intern was attempting to communicate that the Speaker should pass around the menu so members could each order what type of wrap they wanted. Unfortunately, the intern failed to read the message before sending it. The autocorrected message that the clerk in the chambers received by text was: "President - Pass the RAP order."

When the clerk handed the Speaker the message, he looked down then did a double take, according to the clerk.

"When he looked at the note, he went deathly pale," the clerk said. "I thought he might pass out right there."

According to the clerk, several members asked if he was alright and after a moment he said, "It's a message from the President. He wants us to pass the Renewable Action Plan the Democrats came up with. Several Democrats cheered.

"I meant to type wrap" McNeal said, visibly shaking. “But autocorrect changed it to RAP and present to President." Then I clicked ‘send’... and, well... democracy happened. I didn't realize until the new legislation had already been passed."

Within minutes, the measure passed by a shocking bipartisan 421-13 vote, largely because most lawmakers were distracted watching cute cat video or replays of themselves during last week’s hearing.

While most would expect the President to veto the bill, when it hit his desk he saw a note clipped to the outside of the folder from the Speaker which read, "We did exactly as you said." As Mike Johnson is one of the "President's men," whom he trusts, the President signed the bill without even looking at it.

By the time anyone realized what had happened, major fossil fuel subsidies had been eliminated, carbon tax benchmarks had been implemented, and the Department of Energy had been renamed the Department of Planetary Comeback.

The key provisions of the bill include:

1. Net-Zero by 2032 (Hard Deadline)

• All U.S. sectors—transportation, agriculture, industry, energy—must reach net-zero carbon emissions by 2028.

• No offsets allowed beyond 5% of total emissions.

  
  

2. Fossil Fuel Phaseout Mandate

• Ban on new fossil fuel extraction permits (effective immediately).

• Sunset date on fossil fuel sales for utilities: 2027.

• A carbon production tax starting at $200/ton and increasing $50/year until 2035.

  
  

3. Federal Clean Energy Takeover

• Creation of the National Green Grid: a federally owned renewable energy infrastructure using solar, wind, geothermal, and tidal energy.

• Federal takeover of failing utilities that do not meet transition benchmarks.

  
  

4. $10 Trillion Climate Investment Package (Over 5 Years)

• Green jobs guarantee for displaced fossil fuel workers.

• Direct investment into climate-resilient infrastructure, public transit, housing retrofits, and regenerative agriculture.

• Massive subsidies for solar panels, electric vehicles, and heat pumps for households.

  
  

5. Climate Reparations Fund

• Establishes a $500 billion reparations fund for frontline and BIPOC communities most impacted by pollution and climate change.

  
  

6. Legal Declaration of Climate Emergency

• Triggers executive emergency powers for emissions enforcement.

• Imposes emissions rationing during extreme heatwaves or climate disaster periods.

  
  

7. Youth Climate Corps

• Launch of a federally funded youth service program that puts 2 million people per year to work on climate solutions, modeled after the New Deal's Civilian Conservation Corp

  
  

8. Climate Equity Tribunal

• Independent body that investigates and penalizes environmental racism, corporate greenwashing, and polluter noncompliance.

  
  

Enforcement & Penalties:

• Failure to comply results in massive fines, loss of federal contracts, or corporate charter revocation.

• Whistleblower protections and citizen lawsuits allowed for enforcement.

• Public companies must disclose and reduce climate risks, or face SEC delisting.

Rep. Bill Tompkins (R-TX), who later admitted he thought he was voting for “some kind of new Chipotle menu item,” defended his decision: “Look, I just heard the word ‘wrap’ and thought I was supporting lunch options and actually I was the only one voting for the correct item. Okay so it was accidental as I wasn't paying attention but it was still the right vote! Turns out I supported a livable future for our children. Accidents happen.”

Environmental groups were stunned. “We’ve been fighting for decades. Turns out all we needed was an autocorrect disaster,” said Sierra Club spokesperson Marnie Wells, holding back tears and clutching a compostable napkin.

In the aftermath, the President, reportedly called McNeal personally to fire him and although the intern was born in the U.S. to American parents, the President threatened to revoke his citizenship and deport him to South Sudan. But as luck would have it, former President Barak Obama intervened. He offered the former intern a permanent position as “Junior Executive of Accidental Progress.” The position comes with a six figure salary.

Meanwhile, lobbyists for the oil and gas industry have filed a formal complaint and are currently attempting to reverse the vote by sneaking into Congress disguised as Uber Eats drivers.

When asked if the legislation would stand, House Speaker Johnson shrugged. “I mean, the paperwork’s signed. We already printed the press release. And honestly? That was the best vote turnout we’ve had since the free Chick-fil-A day.”

As of press time, the intern was last seen Googling “How to accidentally pass irrevocable universal healthcare that actually works.”